i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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