Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
