everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i think i just lost a toe
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My life is pants optional.
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