My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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