the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
