you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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