I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
