Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
