I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
