Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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