I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
