Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
