She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
