I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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