I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
