I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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