i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
