What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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