I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
