there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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