Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
