morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
