please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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