You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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