32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
