Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
