Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im calling her cock vulture from now on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
