New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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