i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
