I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
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Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just pee around me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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