I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
