i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
