bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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