but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
