It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
