Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
50% drunk capacity currently
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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