Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
