Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
