I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
