i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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