I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
