so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
