Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
