if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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