Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
