I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
