And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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