Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
