it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
