My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
