you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
