Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
