I think im going to throw up on grandma
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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