I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
