Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
