My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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