she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
