dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
