Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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