He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
soo... how was my night?
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